What It's Like To...
What It's Like To...
What it's like to Adopt 5 Special Needs Children Internationally
There are many ways to create a family. When Mary and Tony McQuinn's two biological sons were 13 and 8 years old, they expanded their family by adopting a baby girl with special needs from Korea. In the years to follow they would adopt another baby boy from Korea, and three girls from China--ages 13, 9, and 7; all with special needs.
In this episode, Mary McQuinn candidly shares her initial reluctance to the idea of adopting as well as the many challenges, rewards, and joys they've experienced along their journey:
- Why they sought out international adoptions rather than domestic (01:34)
- How they decided to adopt an older child (age 13) from China (10:13)
- Challenges for children who have been in an orphanage for years (13:12)
- What life was like in the Chinese orphanage their girls lived in (22:28)
- Keeping cultural ties to Korea and China (30:50)
- Advice for others considering international adoptions (35:30)
Mary pushed herself far outside of her "comfort zone" and ended up with a much fuller house--and a much fuller life--than she ever imagined.
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Mary McQuinn 0:07
Just because you take the children out of the orphanage doesn't mean that you totally erase that part of their life, and that everything is just magically perfect, it is a lot harder, there's a lot of things they have to overcome.
Elizabeth 0:23
As we all know, there are many ways to build a family. I'm Elizabeth Pearson Garr, and my guests on this episode of The Experience podcast went way out of her comfort zone to build hers. Mary McQuinn and her husband, Tony are now the parents of seven children, five of whom they adopted internationally from Korea and China, all with special needs. As Mary told me, this is not the way she had scripted her life. But now she wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for joining me here on the podcast. Hi, Elizabeth.
Mary McQuinn 0:56
Good to be here.
Elizabeth 0:58
It's great to see you. We've known each other for a little while now. I think we met when our girls were two years old in nursery school. You had longtime two older boys? Who were your biological sons, and then you had adopted this adorable little Emily from Korea. Uh huh. And as I as I recall, shortly thereafter, we were at a playdate in the park. And you said, we're going to adopt another little boy. So So can you tell me a little bit about your journey, you have these two sons, and then you decided to expand your family?
Mary McQuinn 1:34
Well, okay, my perfect life plan was that I was going to get married, I'm just going to finish law school. And then we're going to have the perfect family of three or four kids and, you know, live happily ever after. You know, life never quite goes according to plan. So finish law school, tried to start our family had some infertility issues, were able to have two biological boys, and then weren't able to have any more. And I just kind of closed that door. That was just kind of how I felt emotionally, I was thankful to have our two older boys, and just kind of look at Oh, well, life goes on. So Tony, really was what it felt strongly about adopting, I was a little more hesitant about it took some persuading, I think I'm more of a warrior, that he just really felt like it was the right thing to do for our family. And so started looking into it. And we weren't really comfortable with domestic adoption. We've just heard a lot of stories of the biological parents coming back after a year or two, and changing their mind about the adoption. And that just felt like it would be too hard to get attached yourself and have it, you know, they take it away. And we both traveled internationally a lot, and have a lot of international friends. And so once we started looking into it, we were kind of drawn towards Korea, they had a very well established system. Adoption from career started in the late 50s, or 60s, after the Korean War. And the children after they're placed with foster families, and are very well taken care of, and loved and get regular medical attention. And we had two boys. And I thought, Well, it'd be kind of fun to have a girl. And so Korea, there were multiple circumstances seemed like it would be a good fit for us. So we put in our application, expecting it would be a long time. And Emily was placed with us. Maybe a month or two after we finished our home study. Wow. So what a surprise. Yeah, yeah, it was a little surprising. It was like the day before Thanksgiving. And I was taking my two older boys ice skating. And the phone rang. And it was the adoption agency. And they said, we have a child for you to consider. I was like, oh, you know, okay, get the boys around the car. And I was a little distracted. So I said, Okay, you know, well, send me the information. And then I get the boys get them all set up. And then it starts to hit me. And I was just like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh, my gosh.
Elizabeth 4:25
This could be our family member.
Mary McQuinn 4:28
Yeah, you know, call Tony and then looked over the information about Emily. And all of our children have come to us, because they've had some type of special need. And so Emily, for example, was born by C section and had fluid in her lungs. And so she had an oxygen for just a few days, and our older boys were both premature. Cameron was eight weeks premature and cholera was six weeks premature. And so we said And especially in need of oxygen for two or three days. That's it. We said that's an easy one. So after some consideration, we said yes. And started on the journey,
Elizabeth 5:13
the actual journey of flying to Korea, or just the planning process,
Mary McQuinn 5:17
the planning process, it takes a while, you have to do with with any country, each country has its own regulations. But with Korea at the time, you have to apply for government visas and do a lot of paperwork, and this and that. And so took us about four months to get through all of that. So Emily, when she was placed, as I found that was about four months. So when we flew her to Korea, she was about eight months old.
Elizabeth 5:46
And during this whole process, how were you feeling? Like you said, initially, you were a little more reluctant than your husband. And so it just kind of hit and then you said, Okay, I'm, I guess I'm just on this train. And here comes our daughter.
Mary McQuinn 6:00
Yeah, yeah. You kind of begin to, as you do the preparations, you know, you get excited and you start to think that are and it's kind of like being pregnant. First, you're like, oh, my gosh. But then, you know, as you do the preparations, and it gets closer and closer, then it gets more real. And it gets exciting, and you're looking forward to it. So flew over to Korea, and met Emily, and she wasn't real crazy about me at first. There she'd never seen a blonde alien or something. So did she
Elizabeth 6:35
cry and not want to come to you?
Mary McQuinn 6:37
She didn't, she didn't. And in fact, we met her once. And then you have to wait two or three days before you get the final custody of her. And so the day that we got custody ever, we met at the adoption agency, and under travel by taxi back to our hotel, she screamed for two solid hours. Yeah, finally, just cried yourself to sleep. But then when she woke up, then she was happier and began to warm up. And we were just immediately taken with her. Just a really cute, sweet, little baby and was just adorable. And our two older boys, Cameron O'Connor, just absolutely loved her. And was fun to help the girl to play dress up with. After having two boys and looking long with a little girl section.
Elizabeth 7:28
I remember that and you were really cute. All your family would buy all these great little girl outfits for
Mary McQuinn 7:34
her. Yeah, yes, it was kind of like dressing up a little doll.
Elizabeth 7:38
And the boys were so sweet with her. They were such loving older brothers.
Mary McQuinn 7:43
They were wonderful. They've been wonderful throughout all of our adoptions. But Cameron was 13 at the time when Emily came to us 12 or 13. And he commented one day that life before Emily was like the dark ages. You know, what teenage boy says that is so sweet. Yeah. And Connor was about eight when Emily came home. And he was absolutely in love with her to our whole family is just, it was just really fun. We're all really happy. And you know, it's fun to have a little baby. So when we started out, when we decided to adopt, we decided that we wanted to have to, because there was an eight year gap between Connor and Emily. And so we wanted, we felt like it'd be more fun to have two so they could kind of have each other. And so Emily came home to us nine months from when we put in our application to when she came home. And we said, you know, that was an absolute miracle. But that will never happen again. The next one will probably take years. And so we better start the adoption application right away, which we did. And then only like, four or five months after la came home. Then we got another phone call, asking if we would consider this cute little boy. And we were kind of surprised. You know, we thought it'd be much longer. But we said well, they kind of just come when they come just like, you know, if you're gonna have a baby. So those things happen sooner. It was happy surprise. And so we said yes. Until the same process, that four months of paperwork. And then we traveled over to get him. So Ethan was again about eight months when he came home to us. And so Ethan an emulator only 13 months apart, which was a little challenging.
Elizabeth 9:37
I'm sure you've had these older kids and then suddenly you have these two so close together.
Mary McQuinn 9:43
Yes, yes. Yes. You know, going back to babies time to sew anything out of energy. Yes. Yes. Yes. Eason is very high energy. And so then for a while, without Okay, well, we're done. Deedle book ends Oh, all the boys and then you know, the two younger ones, that then again just kind of started feeling like our family just wasn't quite complete. And then maybe that there were someone else that was
Elizabeth 10:10
that. What was that feeling? Was that from you? Or is that from Tony was that both of you kind of talking?
Mary McQuinn 10:19
I will confess that Tony is the one that kind of gets the feelings, maybe he's just kind of more in tune. And maybe I kind of more scared, we are religious and feel like this prompting has come from God. Tony says that, I hear him too. But I just have my fingers in my ears, screaming lol, I don't hear you. So, but I have learned that he really gets impressions. And they're a real thing. And they're meant to be. So the Senate kind of felt like maybe it was an older child that was supposed to be in our family. And so throughout the process again, and for older children, the adoption agency can either kind of do the search for you, and place you or you can kind of do the search on various websites and agencies that have, you know, listings of children that need a family. And so we kind of did both. And we were drawn to our daughter, Christina. And she was 13 at the time. And we just kind of felt drawn to her. She was in an orphanage in China. And so again, there's lots of paperwork, and leases and stuff you have to do. And so then we traveled to China to pick up Christina. And it's a much different experience.
Elizabeth 11:47
And I just back you up, how did you even find her? How did you locate her and that orphanage and decide on China?
Mary McQuinn 11:55
I think at the time we were too old for Korea, each country has different rules and regulations. And so I think that we as parents had aged out of Korea, or it might have been that we had too many children to be considered for Korea again. And so we started looking at China, and they were kind of some photo listings of children, they give you a picture, and then they give you a little brief profile on them have children that need families. So we you know, we're really looking for an older child and found Christina and just, we're kind of touched by her and decided that she would be the one for our family.
Elizabeth 12:38
I mean, really, it's really something it takes very big hearts. I think to do that. I think most people look for infants. Yeah, because at least stereotypically older children might present with more issues. I mean, first of all, 13 year olds are just going through more in their lives, whether whether they've been in an orphanage or not, but also, you know, they've been without a family, they might come with certain baggage or something and transitioning into a family. And so for you guys to electively take that on is really admirable. Yeah,
Mary McQuinn 13:12
it is true, three of our children kynges. And they're older, Christina was 13. And then Charlotte was nine. And Natalie was seven when they came to us, and it is a much different experience. You know, as she says, 13 year olds already have strong personalities and likes and dislikes. And older children also, unfortunately, have had a lot more difficulty, an orphanage is not a pleasant place to grow up. It's a very hard environment. And so there is a lot that these children have to overcome. Just because you take the children out of the orphanage doesn't mean that you totally erase that part of their life. And that everything is just magically perfect, it is a lot harder, there's a lot of things they have to overcome. Their schooling is very haphazard, no matter how old they are, you almost have to start over again, at the beginning, because there's been a lot of gaps in their learning. And emotionally, they've never known what it's like to be loved, or to have a family. And so the first year is a very big challenge. They're adjusting to everything all at once. People always ask me, you know, how do you communicate? And what about the language difference? And that's the easy part. Honestly, the other part adjusting to a family, they have a lot of fears, because they've never known what it's like to be loved. And they're very guarded. And it's hard for them to trust that this is real, and that this person is not going to hurt them emotionally or physically, somehow. So it takes a lot to break down those B Are yours. And sometimes those are things that are with them for life. And you just have to learn how to how to help them adjust. But with your biological children, there's no guarantee that they won't have challenges, physical or emotional or medical or something. Once we kind of made that mental shift in our thinking, then it just became a lot easier to think about, why not a child that has a special need, and you learn how to help them. And you get help from therapists or doctors or whatever is needed.
Elizabeth 15:46
It was a lot for you to take on, though. I mean, a lot of people would say, Oh, my kids are kind of getting older, they're getting easier. They're growing up, they're kind of becoming more independent. And instead, you're taking on more children who maybe have more needs need more parenting, you had to lean in a lot more as other parents were kind of getting more freedom.
Mary McQuinn 16:10
Yes, yes. That is that really was a big issue. Didn't really not that I didn't think of that. But it just didn't. It wasn't that big of a deal. Once you reach a certain number of kids, then one more isn't that big of a deal. Or two more three or four.
Elizabeth 16:30
Maybe that's what you were thinking when. So you had Christina and I remember running into you after school one day, and you said, I have something to tell you. We're going back to China and getting two more children. And I seriously thought you were joking. I thought, how could this be real? You had such a full family such a full life? And I said no. And you said no, we really are. And you say they're seven and nine. And you are incredible. And you really did.
Mary McQuinn 17:03
Yeah, yes, Charlotte, Natalie, we found out about them. After we adopted Christina, there was a charity that worked in her orphanage called Love without boundaries. And they are a wonderful organization. They provide medical support, and help us schooling and extracurricular things and just kind of support the orphanage. And so Tony became involved with them, and was very impressed. And through them, he found out about Charlotte, and Natalie. And the adoption system in China is very haphazard, at least in their own furniture was. And there's kind of no rhyme or reason as to who the orphanage would put up for adoption, or when they would do the necessary paperwork and procedures to help the children find a family, which was just very sad. So we identified these two little girls. And we said, well, they seemed like they'd be a good fit for our family. And we'd be interested in either one of them. So we did the paperwork, thinking, well, if either one of them comes available, then we would adopt them. And they both came up for adoption at the same time. And so we said, oh, okay, well, I guess we're adding two more at the same time. So you
Elizabeth 18:32
really get that cavalierly, like, okay, no problem.
Mary McQuinn 18:37
No, behind the scenes, I'm always freaking behind the scenes. I was like, Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.
Elizabeth 18:43
Well, that's honest. That's an honest reaction.
Mary McQuinn 18:46
And the way that I deal with my stress is by organizing and doing health projects. So the way that I believe my stress was to remodel a bathroom in the months prior to traveling, isn't that what everybody would do?
Elizabeth 19:03
Get yourself prepared.
Mary McQuinn 19:05
I guess it's kind of like nesting. You know, when you're pregnant, you know, let me cut enough and get the nursery ready. So, again, we traveled to China, right, Emily and Christina with us. Locals were about Emily's age. Charlotte was about a year older, and Natalie was about a year younger. This was just two years after we adopted Christina. And so Christina came with us, because it was you know, her orphanage and she knew the language and could help with the girls. But it was a very difficult experience for her to have to go back. It brought back a lot of just traumatic memories, I'm sure for Christina to be in this place again. And then this children don't really understand what it means to have a family and that you're there forever family and that you're not just going to abandon. And so we got over there and porker should have thought that we were exchanging her that we were, you know, going to leave her behind. That was a hard thing for her to understand that you could love more than one child at a time. And then it's not always easy when you come home. It's kind of like when you bring home a baby from the hospital, the other children have wants and jealousies and they want your attention. And they will get it in one way or the other. And so people always ask us, oh, how are your new girl adjusting to your family? When I say, Well, if we could get other children to behave and be a good example, then it'd be
Elizabeth 20:48
a lot easier. Everyone had adjusting to do? Yeah,
Mary McQuinn 20:51
yeah, you kind of jostling for position in the family. So it's challenging. And, you know, again, the language. But at the same time, there lots of fun, trying to teach them through fun ways. Like, we introduce the girls to the game of UNO. And their personalities kind of begin to come out, we discovered that Natalie is very competitive. And she really took it very seriously. And she just loved the word no to love when she could scream out little little Oh, no, she thought that was the funniest word ever. But then, if she would lose, that was just the end, big huge tears. And she was very competitive. That was hard for her to, to lose. Charlotte was much more reserved, and shy, and quiet, and fearful. If something was bothering Charlotte, the tears and the crying would immediately come out. Versus Natalie, I think was just as scared. But she held it in is scary on both sides. It's a big leap of faith, and challenging and scary for the parents. But it's also scary for the children because they don't know what's going on. They've been told that they're going to have a family. But what does that mean? What is a family? What is your life going to be like?
Elizabeth 22:20
And it's halfway across the world?
Mary McQuinn 22:22
Yeah, yeah.
Elizabeth 22:24
What was it like in the orphanage, when you went to visit?
Mary McQuinn 22:28
You walk into the orphanage, and it's just very, very old, and rundown and just, it's just, it's just a really depressing, terrible place. But as all these children have ever known, and so even though they're going to a better place now, this is their home, as all that they have ever known. You walk into the orphanage and you see all the children and the circumstances they're living in. And you're just like, oh my gosh, I have to take all these children, you know, I just want to take all of them out of this place. And then to come to your senses. And you're like, No, we can't do that.
Mary McQuinn 23:18
Yes, yes, you know, we're gonna leave, take the, you know, one of the two that we've been approved for, but it's an emotional experience for the child and for the families is very emotional focusing, to go back and to see her old friends and to see her nannies and to have to kind of relive all of that. The whole adoption process is it's been very interesting and very educational. I always say that it's, it's kind of like that Pocahontas song, things you never knew you never knew. But parenting is like that, in general. You know, you have all these fantasies of what your perfect children and perfect life are gonna be like. And it doesn't always turn out that way. It rarely works out that way. Yeah, yes, yes. So, you know, maybe adoption is a little more challenging, that I've learned a lot about what happens when you don't have proper attachment and care has been very educational and challenging, but also very rewarding. So you'd have learned a lot about children who, if they don't feel safe and secure, then their brain is focused on just survival skills. And even if they are able to go to school, it doesn't really think it because their brain is just focused on survival. And the schooling that all the children had, the Chinese girls was kind of very hiddenness so we can had to go back and start from the very beginning and catch up and deal with emotional needs, and academic and physical needs. But that's kind of what happens with any child, you know, even a biological child,
Elizabeth 25:16
there's no guarantee of what you're going to what you're gonna get what your child is going to turn out, like.
Mary McQuinn 25:21
Yeah, you know, your biological children can have needs and and sometimes they come up earlier license they come up later in life. So kind of had to work through a lot of that. And the first year is just really a year of adjustment. What does it mean to be in a family? How do you behave in a family? How do you behave at school? How do you sit still, now there was a little wild child does, you know, belts, belts, belts. And if something's bothering her, she takes care of herself. She used to not politely say, you know, hey, you're bothering me. They're lining up to go to the classroom, first month of school, and Ethan bumps her. And Natalie turns around and just hits him. I get a call from the principal, I have both yourself in the office now. No, but that was what you did the orphanage, you know, you had to stand up for yourself. So they have to learn how to behave properly. These children, at least ours were very, very sheltered, have lived in the same orphanage their whole life, and didn't get a chance to go over it much. And didn't really get the life lessons that we teach our children and the little nuances that you teach them every day, you're out at, you know, a doctor's office at a store. And, you know, don't go behind the counter and look for cars before you cross the street. They didn't know those things. They got carsick because they hadn't really traveled on a car very much. Yeah, choose the manners. You had to teach them, how to socialize, how to sit still, all the little life lessons, that you teach your children every day, just subtly, you know, do this and don't do that. From the time they're a baby. They hadn't really learned those things,
Elizabeth 27:25
all those things that children usually get by just being a part of a family that those children didn't get because they weren't part of a family. Uh huh.
Mary McQuinn 27:33
Yes, yes. And in an orphanage, no one really cares if you have manners. And in the Chinese orphanage, they didn't even have table and chairs. So they just give the children their food. And they would just go to the corner and kind of sit on the floor, or squat. So it's all these things that they've just never experienced. And some things are very scary to them. Like we took her student to the beach, and to the ocean for the first time. And that was very frightening for everywhere she went, it was very frightening,
Elizabeth 28:14
probably intimidating, right? When she was used to just a few rooms or a building.
Mary McQuinn 28:19
Yeah, yeah. And you know, you think about, like the first time you take a child to preschool, they're nervous, not not don't know what to expect and fearful of their teacher and leading you. And so even though these kids are older, it's the same thing. Because they haven't had that experience. And the first year is all about learning that and learning the language. And then the real learning can begin. After that.
Elizabeth 28:53
You said learning the language was sort of the easy part. Was that just with tutors, and how did you?
Mary McQuinn 29:01
You know, when Christina came, we were fortunate we had a lot of friends who spoke Chinese. And so they would help us but it's mostly just kind of like, you point to things and just kind of drag along and it's kind of like language immersion school programs. After a while they kind of begin to get it after six months or a year or something, then they're pretty fluent. Academically is still a challenge reading and stuff, takes them a little bit longer to be able to catch up on that. But they just kind of learn because you're talking to a nonstop in English all day long. So, Christina, being that she was 13 when she came to us, she still remembers her Chinese. She has a lot of friends that she speaks to. One of the main differences between an older child and a little baby is that the older children come with Memories and personalities. And also in Christine's case, we tapped into a network of other children from her orphanage who had been adopted into other families of us. And so Christina was fortunate that she was able to find those friends and reconnect with them again. So that was kind of flattened. So she's able to keep her poor Chinese. But Charlotte, Natalie lost their Chinese. After about probably about a year, they really could no longer understand Chinese anymore. So that was interesting between the older and the younger children.
Elizabeth 30:38
Have any of them asked to go back to their countries of birth either to visit? Or do they feel a special affinity towards the culture of Korea or China?
Mary McQuinn 30:50
Yes, we try to, we try to still keep their cultural life, we want them to be proud of their culture. We think both Korea and China are wonderful, interesting countries. And that is a part of who they are. And so we gave all the kids English names, but then we kept their Korean and Chinese names as their middle names. And we would like to go back as a family someday, both Emily and Ethan are very proud of the Korean and interested in learning about it a lot. The Chinese girls Christian is still very attached, and says that she would like to go back someday, Natalie and Charlotte, they're kind of indifferent. They know that they're Chinese, and I think proud of their country. But I think they feel like they're American. I don't think that they identify as Chinese so much, versus Christina, I think that is still our first identity.
Elizabeth 31:53
And there isn't any issues of like wanting to find our birth mother or anything like that, because they all know that. That's not an option is that they're too young,
Mary McQuinn 32:05
it doesn't really come up. In China, it's like almost impossible to find, you know, the birth parents, and Korea, you have to be at least 18. Before you go back and do a search. We're kind of leaving that up to the kids. You know, if when they reach an age where they're mature and can understand these things more? If that sounds that they want to do, then we'll support that. If not, then we'll support that too. But it's not something that at least for our children, has really come up some adoptees, that is a real big thing for them over longing. Each kid is different.
Elizabeth 32:45
So if you think back to your life, like 15 years ago, and then think to now would you ever have imagined? Now?
Mary McQuinn 32:53
No, no, I always say that, if you knew what God had in store for you, you know what was gonna happen, you would have been screaming the other direction. And there are, there are many, many challenging days. But just like with biological kids, you're in the thick of it, and you're just in the trenches. And it's just so hard and so discouraging. And you just feel like you're not going to survive. But then when you can sit back, and you can look at the big picture, and you can see how far they've come, then, you know, I feel we've made it through, I'm sure there's gonna be another challenge. But it's, it's very rewarding to see how they have grown, and how they've learned, and especially with the Chinese girls, you think of what their life would have been. You don't do it because you want to be this wonderful person you adopt. Because you really feel like this child is supposed to be a part of your family. And when you're in the thick of it, it's very challenging, and can be very discouraging, just like with biological children. But then there are also other days that are very rewarding when you step back and you see that this little wild child now is going to to a beautiful young woman, and this child who at age seven had barely even attended any preschool and didn't even know how to counter read or write. Look at what they become and look at what they can do now. Look at how much they have learned and look at the wonderful person that they become a loving, happy, outgoing, energetic child who really adds to our family. So it's been challenging, but it's also been a wonderful enrobe boarding experience. And we're so happy that we stepped out of our comfort zone and took this leap of faith and brought all these children into our family.
Elizabeth 35:18
Do you have other advice that you'd give somebody thinking about international adoption, other than, it's okay to get out of your comfort zone, take the leap of faith.
Mary McQuinn 35:30
One thing that, you know, when I was initially, you know, soul searching, and trying to decide, is this something that I wanted to do, and that I felt was the right thing for us, you know, had the thought that at the end of your life, you don't want to have any regrets, oh, I wish that I would have done this, or I wish that I would have done that. So that helped me to step out of my comfort zone. But don't be afraid to consider an older child, or a child with special needs. You know, when people think of the doctor, they always think of adopting a little baby. But there are many, many wonderful children out there that just, they need a family. If you can think outside the box, and think of a special needs or an older child, then it's a different path. But it is very rewarding. And these children are absolutely wonderful. And it's really enriched our life, and we love them and are just so happy to have them
Elizabeth 36:33
with. You've really enriched their lives. I mean, what a great match. It's been that they found you and you found them.
Mary McQuinn 36:40
Yeah, it has been wonderful. I think that not only as a parent, do we learn that we can overcome challenges and grow and learn. But it's these children, these children can overcome their challenges, and they can grow and learn. And so I think that's been one of the biggest lessons of how much they're capable of, and how well they can overcome their challenges and their difficult beginnings. They can do great things, they just need a chance and need some help. It was never something that I would have thought that I would have done. I'm kind of a very quiet, conservative, reserved person. I don't like to be the center of attention. But I think life is a journey and an experience that is supposed to test you and you know, supposed to help you grow and learn. And I certainly have grown and learned a lot. But in the end, I think it's helped me to be a better person. And it's been a wonderful, rewarding experience.
Elizabeth 37:49
Do you feel like now that you have not only a large family, but also a multiracial family that you are a little more the center of attention?
Mary McQuinn 37:59
Oh, yes, absolutely. Would we just had two boys, we used to be a nice little anonymous family. And now we are definitely that family. We moved to Utah, about two years ago, and is hoping that we could once again be a nice little anonymous family. But we seem to instantly attract tension. I've also learned to just kind of go with it. I think I was a much different person. When I had just my two older boys. I still wouldn't consider myself an extrovert. But let's definitely push me outside of the box and give me some wonderful experiences and help me to meet many people that I would not have otherwise known. Including you. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Well,
Elizabeth 38:51
thank you, Mary. This has been so interesting. And it's been a pleasure getting to know your kids and you. So thank you for sharing so many of your experiences.
Mary McQuinn 39:00
Yeah. Behind the scenes. Yeah,
Elizabeth 39:02
definitely behind the scenes.
Mary McQuinn 39:04
Thank you, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth 39:07
It was fun for me to catch up with Mary since I had a front row seat to watch her family grow. But I'd never heard all of these stories before. A lot of what she shared can be applied to all of our lives, even if we're not adopting or raising children. Here are some of my takeaways from our conversation. Number one, your perfect life plan might not actually be your best life plan. Be open to options to. It's amazing what can happen when you step out of your comfort zone and take a leap of faith. Three, when you're in the thick of something, remember that at some point, you will be on the other side of it. You've made it through 100% of your hard times for Life is a journey that's supposed to help you grow and learn. Being tested and being uncomfortable aren't necessarily bad. And finally, number five adopting parenting maybe even life in general, can perhaps be summed up in that Pocahontas song lyric, things you never knew you never knew. I'd like to thank Mary McQuinn for sharing her stories about her family with me. If you want to learn more about Mary, please go to our website, the experience podcast.net You can catch up on all of our past episodes there and also find out how to sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please tell a friend about it. I'm Elizabeth Pearson. Gar thanks for joining the experience.